Love~Faith~Hope

This is the year 2016, my life has been far from journaling in English almost 2 years. There were so much going on in the year 2015 where I had seen God's goodness within my own life, my family, and my ministry. I have came to the place of surrender to who God is, and I don't want to be the same person as before. God is walking with me through each day, good time and bad time, and I am glad to learn how to trust Him more and more. Since last year until now I discover that I have held many fears in my life, and it stopped me from being brave and being initiative. God knew at this point is a good timing to deal with me about it, and I want to be changed by him. I discovered that I have fear of man and fear of death, and my goal of this year I want to ask God to remove those fears and replace it with his perfect love. I don't want to be stuck in the same spot as last year, and I expect God to make me new heart. Let's see what happen in next 3-4 months.

The 2014 is quite difficult year for me to walk, but it is also a remarkable year in my journey with God because all of my trails are huge and emotionally painful. The beginning of this year, my dear mom passed away with the very last state of liver cirrhosis, and my life hasn't been the same as before, for there is a whole in my heart of missing my dear mom and my role as the older sister has changed. I started to take more responsibility for my family and to really look after my sisters. Many time I found myself thinking it would be much easier and better if mom was here. One life can impact 7 more lives in an incredible way, and I regret about my limited time for trying to impact my mom's life. But God comforts me deeply through his love and his people who were facing the same pain. God taught me to see the value of person and in His only Son. On the other hand, my life is starting to having my own family, for I'm getting married in next 20 days. I'm so grateful for...

Jan 2, 2014 is the date of losing my mom. She had been in the hospital for 3 days with the last state of liver cirrhosis. She was in and out from the hospital since October 2, 2013, and she had been sick 3 months together. I felt difficult to realize it was very short time I had with her, for I was only with her about 2 weeks altogether in these 3 months. I called and talked to her more often since she was sick, but my last conversation with her through the phone wasn't an impress for me. She thought I left her alone because I was upset that she couldn't work to have money for my own wedding. I was almost cry to her, but I did cry when I told Therd about this conversation I had with mom. What a painful moment for me to knew that she didn't know how much I love her, and I didn't care of what I'll get from her, for I only care if she could make it until my wedding. I would like to have her walk me to the altar, and I would like her to experience my precious wedding ...

I'm reading Exodus for a week already, and I'm so excited to enjoy this book in the way that I never been like this before. There is something I've noticed lately between Pharaoh and Moses. Lord had mentioned several time to Moses and Pharaoh with the same words "I am the Lord". God revealed himself to Moses and to Pharaoh as God, and these two people responded to his command differently. However, considering from Pharaoh's perspective there were multitude of Hebrews in his land that could be a threat for his nation if Hebrews came along his enemies to take down the Egyptians, plus he had Hebrews as the slaves, so Hebrews did all the construction works which became a great advantage for his nation. He couldn't let all of them move away from Egypt. In Exodus 9, God was going to bring them down by saying that Pharaoh and his people will be no longer in this earth. God kept revealing himself to them as God, and what he asked from Pharaoh is all about letting ...

Whom Shall I Fear (God of Angel Armies) by Chris Tomlin This song hit my heart early in the morning today. Yesterday was a bad day for me to know the truth about my dad keeping lying to family, and I'm so disappointed in him until I made up my mind that I'm no longer to tread him just as my dad whom I used to know, who was there for me when I was in trouble, who cared when I cried in tears because of my heart pain. Poor me, I want to scream out loud to let this pain go away, but I couldn't even pour it out from my heart.The wound is very very deep.Moreover, I want to become someone who can fix this thing or say a right word to totally change my dad's heart, but I just realize that I couldn't have thing done on my way. I talked to my mom, I was trying to change her heart by challenging to stop mourning and keep moving forward without dad, but what turns out is that I caused my mom to be in pain even more. I'm so hopeless at this point. Then this song caught my ...

You may curious about the topic, and I have explanation for it. Lately, I've been noticing in a life of Jacob from the book of Genesis. His story is very interested about who he is and how God worked with him. Surprisingly, I don't think that he was good enough to be the father of the nation, Israel, but God gave him this name. His household was in sin and in many big trouble, but God helped him and his household in many time. Yet people cause the trouble, God still look after them because of his grace and his marvelous plan. What shall we fear then? How can we worry about our future while we've seen a thousand times that God is at hand all the time? It's our human being that try to put thing in control, and sometimes we're waving because it's hardly to trust God when we get into a challenge situation. I used to say to myself "nope, I'm not going to worry"., but when the time comes, I do worry, I do curious how God will fix thing in my hands. But i...

*|MC:SUBJECT|* ...