During these intense 6 months of co-leading a YWAM training school, I have been learning and exploring tons of thing about who God is and about myself which I have to lay down myself in many ways. My intimate relationship with God has been developing since I took the FOCOS (Coaching Course with CMI), for I started to focus more on my quality time with God and learning to listen to him. In past 3 months, although there are so much works going on, I still learn to be still and know that God is God where I can't control any thing at all. Through this school, I wish I could be more prepared, the building would be perfect to run the school, all staffs would be ready to serve the school, and the students would learn and grow incredibly, but those are false expectations because God's plan and how he works in a whole group and individual are totally what we are experiencing now. There are tons of small thing occurs to make us discouraged, but I do learn to let thing go and depend on God's timing along with depending on my team in many way. However, this week we learned about the Lordship of Jesus and the Cost of Disciple which I am challenged to lay down my right even more. I found myself holding dear to the approval and control as deep idolatry in my heart where I need to constantly apply the gospel in those area. People around me would feel guilty and blame because the way I react, and when I was corrected in public I felt I ashamed of who I am. These are not from God, and it wasn't having Jesus as my lord. Putting all this thoughts together, now I want to confess and repent of putting other expectations higher than God's expectations, and I want to confess that I have put the approval from people higher than God's approval for my life. This is an crucial step for me as I am committing myself to obey and have faith in God, for I know I am not perfect and in this imperfect jar, God's power is overflowing in me. I am his image bearer, although I am imperfect of his image bearer, God continues to work in me and through me if I let him completely take control over me. Once again, I want to remind myself that God has done such a great thing in the midst of this intensive time, and I am willing to take a baby step toward his goal. Thank you for loving me and allowing me to be part of your great thing.
Have you ever wondered how many challenged you need to go through each year? What about your hope for future? Will it ever come true when it seemly nothing can make it happen? I want to say that I'm good enough, I've been through many thing that I can stand firm and don't lose my mind. I don't care what happen in the future, for I know my God is able to do. I fail to totally trust that my circumstances is not a big deal. Once again, I have to encourage myself through the book of Philippians, for it talks about being rejoice. I admit how worry I am and try to work out in my own way. I saw a picture of myself building up such a strong mountain to conquer all the optical, but when I worshiped God during the Conference, I just realized my mountain become its optical for taking me to another level of trusting God. God told me that he will make my mountain flat, and I'm in this wilderness, so that I'll realize who God is and how amazing he is. A big challenging fo
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