The 2014 is quite difficult year for me to walk, but it is also a remarkable year in my journey with God because all of my trails are huge and emotionally painful. The beginning of this year, my dear mom passed away with the very last state of liver cirrhosis, and my life hasn't been the same as before, for there is a whole in my heart of missing my dear mom and my role as the older sister has changed. I started to take more responsibility for my family and to really look after my sisters. Many time I found myself thinking it would be much easier and better if mom was here. One life can impact 7 more lives in an incredible way, and I regret about my limited time for trying to impact my mom's life. But God comforts me deeply through his love and his people who were facing the same pain. God taught me to see the value of person and in His only Son.
On the other hand, my life is starting to having my own family, for I'm getting married in next 20 days. I'm so grateful for what I've been through, I'm not only having God on my side, but someone who is so precious to stand with me in my painful moment, he is my future husband. God has shown me what kind of person God faithfully place in my life, and how God cares me so much for give me this very precious person of his to lift my heart in the desperate moment. I'm so happy to walk down to the aisle where Therd is standing and waiting for me to make a life long commitment with him. I'm a sinful person who walks in God's grace, and I can't imagine what more I'll be wrong and imperfect, but I knew in my heart as two of us keep seeking to be closer to God, we'll be one and perfect in His eyes together through Jesus Christ.
Lately, I've learned that God can use every situation even we feel it wasn't a good situation or it wasn't a successfulness we want to achieve, but God is Sovereign who can make all kind of thing fit perfectly in his plan. I'm not only drawn closer to God because of my difficult year, but I'm also drawn closer to him because of my delightful year to be married to the one whom I love so much as well. God has placed his delight in us as we are committing to be together as one, and we want to walk as his light to this world. I'm so thankful and grateful to be his child and walk under his wings.
During these intense 6 months of co-leading a YWAM training school, I have been learning and exploring tons of thing about who God is and about myself which I have to lay down myself in many ways. My intimate relationship with God has been developing since I took the FOCOS (Coaching Course with CMI), for I started to focus more on my quality time with God and learning to listen to him. In past 3 months, although there are so much works going on, I still learn to be still and know that God is God where I can't control any thing at all. Through this school, I wish I could be more prepared, the building would be perfect to run the school, all staffs would be ready to serve the school, and the students would learn and grow incredibly, but those are false expectations because God's plan and how he works in a whole group and individual are totally what we are experiencing now. There are tons of small thing occurs to make us discouraged, but I do learn to let thing go and depend on Go...
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